Mental Masturbation

It was night, I was at rats, a club in the city, well this entrance room to rats that doesn’t really exist but I knew it was the entrance room, I remember lying to get in and being early so I was waiting for my friends. The room was very dark and smokey with scattered neon lights, I distinctly remember leopard or zebra print fur being a main feature of the room but no music. At a small table in this room a dwarf biker and a one eyed black cop were sitting and talking, I also remember there being others at the table but I can’t remember them precisely. I was trying to listen in on their conversation, I was trying to feel like part of the group…

After a few short minutes I tried going to the up stairs part of rats. On my way up I was both following and passing groups of black shadow dogs. They were these slow moving, slightly see through menacing looking dogs with glowing eyes. I remember knowing that they didn’t know nor had anyway of knowing I existed, it was like I was the ghost to them. So I picked my nose and wiped it on one of them. I then remember wanting to go back to ‘base camp’.

I walked out of the club and a few streets down I came across a torn open caravan. One of the side walls was completely missing. This was base camp. It was just sitting in a car park. So I casually made my way around the van slowly assembling a tea. Which is strange because I’m not much a fan of tea. I finished at the sink. Next to me was a couch where several chairs had been placed on it upside down. I remember doing it, so I was left trying to figure why I did that, especially because they were big dinning chairs, several of them, and I was in a caravan. Directly after this my friend chris showed up, we casually talk, I end up trying to explain the chair situation but he cut me off with his new calculator. Yes, his new calculator. I remember distinct fake memories of past calculators he had shown me and believe me, this one he now had was the shit. It was just a huge touch screen. He just sat there sorting files on it. Which didn’t seem strange to me. I remember he was placing them in a linear timeline that wasn’t a straight line but was rather erratic.

Anyway, after tea with chris, I left and went back to the club. I get there, still no friends. So I decide to go to the smokers deck. Ok, now this is where the dream takes a massive dive into what I can only describe as ‘whatthefuck’. In order to get to the smokers room I have to walk across a rickety bridge. I get half way across. At this point the whole setting of the dream had changed. It was now day time and there were people every where, watching me. The bridge was suspended in front of a dam, about 50m away from the face of it. Needless to say I was pretty high up. There were people all around the dam, hundreds, news crews, everything, all looking at me, well us. I was now having a conversation with Arnold Schwarzenegger (In his political form). He was below me on some random platform. I don’t remember the conversation at all but it was friendly I think.

The thing is, base camp and the club were still in plain sight. So I could see my friend Guillermo at base camp. I finished my conversation with Arnie and yelled in an impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger, a bad one at that, “don’t forget my pouch”. Apparently, it was hilarious. The hundreds of people there were completely pissing themselves, even Arnie was rolling around. I remember flashes of news broad casts, this went international. The laughing got so intense the rickety bridge started to shake and sway.

At this point the dream changed again, I was no longer on the bridge but instead I had been replaced by a group of people, maybe twenty people, at the front was a family of five. I was watching the scene from my couch, it was a news broad cast. The laughing had stopped and instead the bridge was being thrown around by the fast moving water underneath it. Don’t ask how, it only just occurred to me then that fast moving water going under a bridge can’t actually shake it around uncontrollably but it could in this dream. I learnt from the news report that the last person standing on this bridge would win a lot of money. So that’s why they were doing it I guess. After about five minutes they opened valves in the damn, more water poured out. The bridge was shooting consistently up and down, several people had begun to fly off the bridge to their deaths. For some reason every one was shocked people were dying. After some time the only people left were the family of five, they won because the show classed them as one, only problem was, they lost their mum. She died. After the competition, they interviewed the father and all he said was ” it was worth it”. Wake up.